When you have
some dirty business
needing to be
taken care of..
Find yourself
a solid, working man,
in both the heart
and head.
His overalls are blue,
just like the collar
of his trade..
the shirt that lies
beneath them is,
however, red.

This beast
of an Italian
plumber
doesn’t need
a firearm
to silence
all the ops..
whether they be
the goombas,
or the coopas,
or the hammer bros..
it makes no difference.
Because The All of them
are quick to bow
before his mighty hop.

Even while he is half-erect
they know him as
the realest hopping Tigger.
But when he’s popping
shrooms..
He gets more real than real.
His power level grows
much bigger.

When Princess Peach
is desperate to have her pipes
thoroughly cleaned
behind ol’ Bowser’s back..
You better believe
that Mario is there
to offer her the satisfaction
of his mighty plunging act..
besides, so gentlemanly is he..
that he doesn’t even charge her
for the rock hard labor
of his plumbing work
after the fact.