The Apology
Part II - Lovers in Hell

So much of it was,
in fact, my own fault.
I am reaping bitter fruits
of my own shortcomings..
as a result.
My resolve is not to be
a perfect man..
it is rather to grow.
To be The One
who learns to tame
your stormy tidal flows.

To hold your silence
gracefully..
To let us co-exist
at ease.
To give you proper space
and loving peace.
I struggle now to do it well
with heavy wounds
upon my heart
like these..

But I don’t fault you
for inflicting them on me..
for leaving me alone
to cry myself to sleep..
within the silence
where I bled.
I bet you also cried
so many tears
when I presented to you
as a threat..
I sense that many tears
were cried
when once again I knocked
upon your door,
only to tell you:
“Have a nice life,
I shall forever leave.”
I reckon that it was
more heartache
than you ever could’ve
bargained to receive.

For inflicting that upon you,
I feel nothing but remorse
and shame and guilt.
I feel my own pain keenly..
yet somehow
I can also feel yours.. still.
I cannot prove it, of course,
but I choose to blindly believe.
it torments me to death..
so if you find it in yourself
I beg of you to please forgive..

You, I forgave already..
but can never forget.
I never experienced
a love like this before,
quite yet.
I know now, really well,
just how acutely painful
it can get.
But now I also know
how deeply I am able
to nevertheless care.

The limb is amputated..
but the phantom
is somehow still near.
I feel your pulse
from all the way over there..
as if you were actually
right over here.
Although perhaps,
again the roof is driving
while the house is sitting still..
Perhaps again,
I’ve let The Devil sucker me..
and take the wheel.

The pain we shared
was a ray of light..
bouncing in agony,
between two mirrors.
It made the difficulty
of us connecting lovingly
to one another..
so much clearer.
I worked so hard to make
whatever sense of you
that I could.
Given the chance
to handle it otherwise,
in hindsight..
you better believe
that I would.
If only I could see
the situation
right as it unfolded..
from a God’s Eye
altitude..

All I have left to say
is that I promise
to adjust my
equally tempestuous
attitude.