Our beliefs shape our behavior.. but in a similar manner also, our behavior shapes our beliefs. The art of taking a leap of faith towards a person lies in treating them with love and charity.. with warmth and affection.. even before they’ve done anything to warrant this kind treatment from you. Treat them not as a means to an end, but rather as an end in itself.. and in so doing, you make yourself believe that you love them.

But what about the dark, forbidden art of leaping backwards? Of unloving a person, when continuing to love them brings you nothing but hurt? By an inversion.. a mirror image of the very same principle.. our behavior shapes our beliefs. Treat them merely as a means to an end.. that end being an inner peace without them. Treat them meanly.. like you mean it. Treat them cruelly.. go out of your way to cause hurt unto them.. and the next thing you know, you feel nothing towards them. Because if you still truly loved them.. there is no way that you would have treated them the way that you did.

I am not proud of what I did. I feel shame and I feel guilt, but I feel no regret. I pray for forgiveness.. but not from them. I pray to be a better, stronger man.. to never do such a thing again. I wish upon the ones I caused this hurt no further ill, beyond whichever harm I already did.. out of the weakness of my character and will. I wish for them to find closure in their own way also, even if it must come at my expense.. because I know that I found my closure at theirs.

No evil deed goes unpunished.. if it won’t be by their hand, then it will be by another’s, in a moment when I expect it least. With God.. I am afraid I have no more good will left. The Devil, on the other hand.. reliably collects upon his debt.

Disclaimer.. I did not kill anyone, just sent a mean poem with flowers to my muse 😈🌹 the poem in question:

My flower bloomed.. was it the prettiest?
Maybe not.. but it was the last.
A belief in magic (or love) is too easy..
all too easy to lose.. all too fast.

I told you, I’m not that nice.. I’m mean and I’m evil.

#prose #writing #confession #thewicked #thedevil